Forgive Me, Father
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was–well, never. I’m not even Catholic and most of the time I wish I was Jewish since they seem to have the best parties.
I have never been to Mass but if it’s any consolation, I never lie (which is probably a lie). I prefer blatant honesty, you know like telling my best friend when she looks fat or telling a complete stranger that their baby is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s little things like those that fructify this otherwise dull and sinful world.
I’m not sure how this whole classification of the sin thing works but from what I do understand, if I don’t know that it’s a sin, then it’s not a sin…I guess that makes me pretty damn innocent, huh? Thank God! Oh, sorry Father.
I don’t want you to worry. I have this all figured out–the stronger the alcohol content, the more disinfected my soul will be. Shoot, I guess I better start drinking more (thank you God, for Taco Tuesday). Don Julio is probably the holiest man I have ever had the pleasure of putting my lips to.
I do have one question though: Don Julio told me that if I don’t remember, then I have no sins. Does this make my weekend full of Absolution?
Sincerely and without sin,